A Time to Wean?

My father drove up from Jersey yesterday so I could go to a walk-in doctor's office and get some treatment for the sinus infection that ails me. I am still nursing my 14-month-old daughter about 2-3 times a day and hoped to continue to do so. Since it's more for comfort than nourishment at this point, I wasn't overly knowledgeable on what drugs are safe and what must be avoided. I'm allergic to penicillin, the gold standard of safe nursing but I noticed erythromyacin was also considered safe and I've been known to take that.

After a two hour wait, the doctor shrugged off the erythro as being "ineffective" and prescribed levaquin, honestly stating he had no idea of the safety issues as hand. Naively feeling it wouldn't be an issue, I accepted the prescription and had it filled.

However, since Eliza is sick and on an antiobiotic herself, I felt compelled to do a little research. The results were mixed--some sites said Levaquin was okay, certainly not the best choice, but it was considered "moderately safe." However, Eliza's pediatrician disagreed, telling me I could not breastfeed while on levaquin. She offered me two choices; discontinue breastfeeding or call the doctor for an alternate prescription.

It was already after 6pm so I didn't think I'd have much luck contacting the doctor. I reminded the doctor that at 14 months, Eliza wasn't getting much from me. She reminded me that at 14 months, there would be no ill benefits if I stopped breastfeeding.

Since Eliza's been sicker than most of her peers lately, I'm not sure I believe in the health benefits of extended nursing at this point. Instead I wonder if all this closeness is causing us to pass the same nasty bug back and forth. However, the emotional benefits of breastfeeding are enormous. Last week, when Eliza was so sick and exhausted from her emergency room stint, the only thing that calmed her down was the unveiling of my boob. I tried other methods of quiet her but she cried hysterically, practically convulsing in seizures she was so tired. Out came the boob and off to sleep she went.

Eliza can go to sleep with or without the boob. She prefers to go to sleep with the boob but I've put her down in the crib awake and she's been asleep in five minutes. It's not a dependency as much as a preference, a time to be with Mama. A time I must confess I still really enjoy. She grabs my face and makes little noises that I mimic. She'll make another noise that I'll mimic and then she'll smile, pull off and start "chattering" to me. It's the only time she'll let me sit down and hold her in my arms and I'm not ready to give it up. I know that I have to stop eventually but I know nursing is something that is now and will never be again. It's the 2 or 3 times a day that we can still "play baby."

I guess I'd hoped she'd eventually lose interest and wean herself. She's only interested in nursing in the morning, at nap time and before bed. I think the morning might be the only time she actually gets any real quantity from my worn and tired boobs. So how hard can it be to wean, right?

I opted not to take the pill last night and called this morning for a prescription change. We tried to give her a bottle of cow's milk but that resulted in the bottle flying across the bedroom. I'm still waiting to hear back from the doctor. Since it was a walk-in type place, I'm not sure that's going to happen. I'm working tomorrow so if I'm gone, C might have better luck with the bottle.

I'm not ready for this step. Every day is another excercise in letting go. I know I can't nurse her forever and this seems as good a reason as any to stop but oh how I hate the idea of losing those few moments a day when she'll let me hold her and look at her and love her. We took a bath together last night and I tried to tell myself there's still an occasional bath, there's storytime before bed, there's sitting on the floor side by side and playing. But holding her in my arms and looking at her while she nestles against me? That's gone, except when she nurses.

My mother said I can get the same feeling by holding her while I give her a bottle but it isn't the same. There's something about being the mother and being the only provider of this comfort for your baby that I never knew I'd love until I did it myself. I never thought I'd be one of these lactivist types who'd keep nursing past the one year mark. I privately pooh poohed two friends who opted to nurse their kids until they turned two, labeling them as weirdos. And now I know, as I held her in my arms and nursed her after the tossed bottle this morning, I know how sad I'll be to let nursing go.

Still waiting to hear back from the doctor. If he calls back and offers another prescription, I can keep nursing, for now. But eventually, as they say, all things must come to an end.

By the way, if you've been reading diary of a playground dropout here, you'll see Beth's doing some great things in terms of reaching out on the blogging community as a way to offer help to other children. She's started her own thing called Small Change. Check out her blog here if you'd like to get involved.

Comments

[Amy]

I just wanted to say that I can completely relate to your post. My daughter is 17 months now and still nursing at night and in the morning. She would never take a bottle or pacifier and definitely uses "oobie" as she calls it as her comfort time. I am very ambivalent about the whole thing and tend to get a lot of grief from others as well that I'm still breastfeeding. Although I believe it's no one else's business, I do feel like there's no end in sight at this point! I too love a lot of things about it, so it's a very tough issue for us here! Just wanted to let you know you're not alone and hope you guys are all healthy soon!

[Sheila]

I am sorry that you and Eliza are still sick. And I am here to cheer you on for continuing to breastfeed. It can be difficult but not impossible to negotiate medical issues. It's often easier--less time-consuming and cheaper--for drug companies, doctors, pharmacists, et ceterta, to us moms it's time to quit nursing rather than helping us find the right information that will help us make real choices for ourselves. There's a great reference book by Dr. Thomas Hale on medications for breastfeeding moms and here's a link to his website (http://neonatal.ttuhsc.edu/lact/). Or call the hospital where you had Eliza and ask the maternity nurses/lactation consultants about which antibiotics are okay. Most are. In my experience--3 children (9, 4, 2) and extended breastfeeding despite numerous health issues (mine, not theirs), I learned that the mother HAS to be her own best advocate for getting breastfeeing information. The information is out there, but it's sometimes hard to get access. Also, check out www.aap.org (American Academy of Pediatricians) and www.llli.org for accurate and encouraging information on breastfeeding. Both organizations say breastfeeding is great as long as mutually desired. And for most kids that means years not months. It's not only hard medically sometimes but it's hard culturally. You think you're the only one. And, look, for what it's worth, you couldn't have paid me a million dollars to have weaned my children UNTIL they choose to wean. Leaving it up the child is the best, in my opinion and experience. Some wean earlier than others, but don't think that 2-3 necessarily means that Eliza wants to wean or is ready to wean. 2-3 times a day is completely normal for her age, more if she doesn't feel well. And as for immunization benefits of breastfeeding, well, that's medical fact. Breastfeeding won't protect her from everything, but it sure can protect from a lot, meaning she could be a lot sicker, more often. And meanwhile you're getting a lot of benefit too from the long-term nursing, especially that feeling of closeness. It's priceless. Trust me--and talk to other long-term nursing moms before you make this important decision--they all eventually wean themselves, and we all had moments thinking it was not going to happen until college, and all that. But it happens, and when that moment comes when you know it's Eliza's choice to say goodbye to something that has meant so much to her, it's a powerful and unforgettable insight into your child's heart and mind. Most helpful book I read was "Mothering Your Nursing Toddler." My mother nursed my siblings and me, each about a year, which already was heroic for the 50s/60s. But she says now that she wishes she had kept nursing, that it never occured to her to keep nursing until child wanted to stop. Anyway, this is a bit of a passion for me. I wish more moms knew just how amazingly satisfying the whole extended nursing thing is. I would not have wanted it any other way. My two oldest nursed on and off until about age 4 and 2 year old still going strong. I spent the last 16 months completing my dissertation. Trust me, I could NOT have done it without nursing 2-year-old. I would give him a good ten minutes of nursing and he would give me hours of time. As long as I would nurse him when he wanted (not very often) he thought he was getting the best of mama and would never whine or fuss. I never ever have had a temper tantrum from any of my kids. My husband calls breastfeeding Mama's secret weapon. Good luck and feel better and good for you.

[Vycki]

I know girl I am trying to decide the same thing. Mason will be one in three weeks and I just don't know what to do. On the one hand I want him to stay a baby forever and nursing is a wonderful comfort to both of us. On the other it would be nice to feel like my body belongs to me again. And I too never thought that I would be contemplating nursing past the one year mark, but here I am, clueless as ever. If you decide to wean (or just end up being forced to), I will mourn the end of your nursing days with you. Good luck.

[RAS]

Im right there with you. I can't breastfeed my Cheeto until tomorrow afternoon, since I just had surgery today (the whole story's on my blog). My MIL suggested that this might be the kick I need to wean her, but I'm just not ready. I'd been in somewhat of a hurry to wean before we had another child, but since that's not happening anymore, I figure I'll let my girl nurse until she's ready to quit.

Hope everything works out for you.

[Elle]

At the risk of sounding bossy: Change the antibiotic and keep on nursing until Eliza loses interest. My first daughter made the decision at about 18 months and transitioned happily to a sippy cup. I was unable to nurse my second daughter for more than a few weeks due to a staph infection in my breast -- and it's a loss that I still feel keenly even though she's is now 10 years old. My son nursed until he was three and is still a snuggle-puppy. I thought for sure I was going to be wearing a nursing top while walking him down the aisle -- talk about a mother-in-law problem!

You have to make your own decision, of course. But my advice is to let Eliza's readiness to let go be the deciding factor, if you can. By the time that happens, you will have had a little more of that precious Mama-and-child time. Lucky you, for still having the chance!

[Julie]

I can't tell you how comforting it was to read your post. I am going through the exact same thing right now - weeks and weeks of sinus infection (in addition to a diagnosis of mono and stomach flu!), have gone through a round of "safe" antibiotics with no luck and have been told by the doctor that this is the only med she would prescribe to me at this point.

My 13 mo old is still nursing in the morning and at night. It brings her such comfort and us such connection. The doctor suggested I pump and dump for the 2 week course of the antibiotic and then go back to breastfeeding if I want to. We'll see...